Introvert at the doctors'

I struggle with doctor visits. The only doctor I've ever actually liked was my midwife for two of my kids. I've never really teased out why, before now. 

I am very much an introvert. As such, it takes a lot of social energy for me to talk to people. I can answer questions without too much trouble, but taking the initiative in a conversation is difficult. I have to think up my statement/question, consider my phrasing, find the right time to bring it up, and then judge reactions carefully. It takes a lot of mental effort. If I'm confronted unexpectedly, there's a good chance my brain will go blank and I will struggle to put two words together. I'm not shy. I don't dislike people. This is just how my brain works. 

So, the reason I don't like doctor visits is because the communication breaks down so easily. Requiring so many steps means it's easy for things to go wrong. I will forget questions or statements I wanted to make. If I do remember, I have to find the right time to say it. If I don't feel like I'm being heard, I will have an even harder time forcing myself to let down filters enough to speak. And if I disagree with something, getting that through the filters is even harder (if I've ever disagreed with you face to face, you may consider us the closest of friends). Most likely, the negative thoughts will stay trapped, festering in my head. 

And return visits? Much worse. I've already put a lot of social energy into this, but I can't be sure how much the doctor remembers. It adds several more filters: I can't expect them to remember--I know they're busy and I'm just one person--but I don't want to repeat what they already know. This is assuming it got through the very first filter: do I even remember what I need to convey?

 As for the one midwife I actually liked: on our very first visit, we had a conversation where we related to each other as individuals. Every time I brought something up, she answered without judgment, dismissal, or conflict. I grew to trust her. I even had her personal number on my phone, and she was nothing but supportive on the couple times I used it. She wasn't just a doctor. She was my friend.