Why Housework is Hard

First of all, I make no blanket claim for anyone else. I am some kind of undiagnosed neurodivergent (probably including inattentive ADHD). But if anyone else feels like this, you're not alone.

There is no such thing as doing the dishes. There is doing a dish. A dish. A dish. Every single dish is a separate choice.

What about a less structured task, like tidy the living room? Much worse.

First, I need to decide which item to pick up. Then decide where it goes. Do I have room in my arms for another thing? Let's decide on another item. Now I'll compare. Do they go in the same spot? Exactly the same spot, or slightly different? Do I go now, or pick up more things? Does someone else in my family disagree about what the right spot is? Did I give enough instruction or warning about where I was going to put this item? I haven't put a single thing away yet and I've already made about twenty decisions. That's a lot of mental energy with no payoff. 

Spending my whole brain on this boring task means I have zero space left for interesting thoughts. I have a whole queue of interesting thoughts and activities with intrinsic rewards. On top of that, spending so much energy on this boring task means that I don't have the mental energy left to block more negative thoughts--comparisons, shame, guilt, imagining terrible consequences for not being good enough. 

Yes, I have some strategies that make it a little easier. Sometimes listening to something interesting helps with dishes. With a distraction, I can sometimes get that "washing dishes is all one thing" mentality that other people seem to have. But that can also backfire and get overwhelming. Plus, my queue of interesting, rewarding thoughts and activities is still getting ignored. 

The biggest help is making really small goals. I'm not going to wash the dishes today. I'm going to wash that one really big pot. And if I have a bit of focus left over, then I can do a few more and get bonus points! I'm not going to clean the living room. I'm going to sit down and sort this one pile into smaller piles. If I have enough focus, I might even deal with a pile or two. It helps. It keeps total chaos at bay. 

Does my house look how I want it to? Does it satisfy those negative thoughts--those comparisons and shame and fear of bad consequences and everything? No, not really. 

But it's something.